3 Ways Men Can Slay the Stay at Home Order and Remain the King of the Castle
COVID-19 is the new “proverbial wrench” thrown into our “manly” plans to achieve personal goals and more importantly, be seen as the all capable superhero to our girlfriend, wife, or family. I can tell you you’re not alone if you feel you have been derailed by the Coronavirus kryptonite in the midst of making significant strides with your fitness, career, spiritual, or relationship goals. At this point in time it feels as if everyone is simply trying to stop their head from spinning and figure out what is or isn’t realistic to achieve. A man’s need to provide and create structure is more important now than ever as we come to terms with the lack of stability and predictability preventing all men from feeling like the king of the castle and treating his girlfriend, fiancee, or wife like a queen.
If your response was anything like mine, you started off being somewhat in denial about the direction everything was going, inundating yourself with hours of news and articles as you wandered aimlessly around the house. It then shifted into a hazy funk, filled with anxiety and stress, overwhelmed by the thoughts of how everything was going to negatively change. Not only change from your current level of functioning, but also how your future goals to support your lady were also no longer possible in the way you imagined. As you came to terms about how things were going to shift, it might have felt as if all your hard work was going to sift through your hands regardless of how hard you tried to hold on to it. A need to reach for anything making life feel more in control increased; scrolling through social media, watching more news, eating dessert with every meal, sleeping more than usual, phone games… anything! To take it a step farther, if one is struggling with addictive tendencies, the missuse of weed, alcohol, pornography, and masturbation will increase without other healthier coping skills to buffer the stress and anxiety experienced in isolation.
If you are still in this tailspin it’s ok, everyone processes things differently and this blog will still be around when you are ready. At the same time, I am ready to stand up and cope with things in a more rewarding and confident way, and as usual, help others do the same.
Creating structure and planning ahead does not mean you will miss out on all the trending Netflix productions, keeping up to date on the state of the country, daydreaming about being the next Master Chef from your new found culinary skills, or prevent you from engaging in valuable quality time with your significant other and kids. Rather, it will help you feel less anxious, stressed, and overwhelmed. More importantly it will bring feelings of calm, an increase in self-esteem, confidence, and the ability to be mindfully present in the task at hand as you discover a new way to reach your goals and connect with loved ones.
Make a list of all the things you would like to complete. Treat this as a wish list and dont judge whether you feel it is “right” or “wrong” to include the item. If the task comes to mind then it is important enough to add. Many men typically attempt to keep a “floating” list in their mind and tap into it when they finish a task or get a chance to work on their list. This approach would work great IF there was no stress in life or other things competing for our attention. People have a tendency to forget certain items which leads them to gravitate toward “urgent” tasks they forgot or “easier” less anxiety provoking ones. It is important to point out this list is NOT made to be completed in a day or week, rather it will be a list of items you can reference as you complete them and will be an ongoing list with some tasks that have end dates and others that don’t.
Take this all inclusive list and break it into the following respective categories; Family, Work, Physical/Health, Spirituality, Friends/Dating, School/ Educational, Relaxing, and Community. You might be wondering how this list was compiled and don’t you worry, the next blog will elaborate on the importance of these categories and how they lead to a balanced life. With that being said, everyone plays a series of roles contributing to who we are. Whether you are single, in a serious relationship, married, or married with children, it is most likely you have expectations from others and of yourself. As you make your way down the list you will find some categories have many items and others have few to none. Ideally, this list is more balanced than not. Men have a tendency to dedicate most of their time and energy to a couple categories and let the others go. This leads to burnout and unrealistic expectations as well as neglecting certain categories which lead to negative consequences
Make the time to get these tasks done. There is a strange assumption we will “find the time” as if there will be “extra time” somewhere to be found. Listen when I say this illusive “extra time” is hiding with it’s friend “extra money”...never to be found. We must budget our time like we budget our money. Find out what tasks are easier to complete at what times and designate the task to the time. I know there will be more demands that come when a man is also a husband and father so check in with your lady and see if it works for your family as a whole, there is no use in playing tug of war over an inconvenient time slot.
Now it is your turn! Start the process and don’t get discouraged. You will experience barriers along the way. Take note of them and plan how to navigate around them. When one part of the system begins to change, the rest of the system will try to remain as it is, the struggle is a sign of change. I often recommend my clients take a week to see their usual activity to get a baseline of their activities and plan from there. Keep in mind it is important to build upon your change rather than focus on one thing and then completely switch your attention. Consistency will be your key to making lasting change. To learn more about what other issues men like you and I are facing or feel you are in need of some guidance as you strive to reach your ideal self, check out ModernMaleCounseling.com. Popular topics include; navigating romantic relationships, overcoming addictive behaviors, gaining strength through traumatic experiences as well as everyday life changes.